Most of these pictures we "know" are not the full story. We "know" what natural bodies look like (or do we?). We have saggy bits. Stretch marks. Out of balance bits. We "know" even the models have quirky unique bits when they're out from behind the camera.

We are also bombarded with imagery of everyone's happy lives. And marketing and advertising that tells us its important to be happy ALL.OF.THE.TIME. We "know" that when people post the best of themselves on social media that it's not the whole story and that there are equal amounts of pain and suffering in their lives too. This is what it means to live. To be human. We "know" suffering is a natural part of life (or do we?). 

We do "know" this, I am an intelligent woman and the women that come to my classes and courses are also intelligent, we even share this with each other in my courses, that we "know" everyone has human bodies and that everyone experiences struggle ... but it seems it's actually not what we "experience" amongst all the noise, so we forget what we "know" is the truth.

We forget because the perfectly balanced and air-brushed information we see often outweighs the information we see of natural bodies. We don't see both sides. And equally we don't share both sides. The "happy times" are posted incredibly more frequently than the times that we struggle. We don't see both sides. Life is both pleasure and pain, this is natural and this is totally okay and actually quite important, we know this but we've forgotten because we don't share both sides.

We don't share our struggles because we feel shame about them. No one else is sharing them. No one else is having a hard time. So we feel we won't be accepted. That we won't be loved. To struggle is to feel uncomfortable, to admit that we don't have it all sorted, that we don't have all the answers and we hate feeling uncomfortable. We haven't been taught how to be with the (naturally) uncomfortable side of life. So we don't want to share what may cause us to feel uncomfortable or others uncomfortable. We are addicted to feeling good, we've been shown over and over again how to feel good (and what to purchase to feel good) and yet this obsession with feeling good and denial that feeling bad is actually okay (and natural) leads us and others to feeling disconnected and shameful. That because we live normal lives of ups AND downs there is something wrong with us. Because we don't have perfectly balanced bodies, there is something wrong with us. 

Again we "know" that to be human is to be unique, we "know" no two humans are alike, we "know" its natural to have unbalanced bits on our bodies, to have times that life is sh*t, but because no one is sharing, it tends to look like we are the only one. We are the only one with unbalanced bits and who struggles. We've forgotten what it is to be human because the predominant messages we see are only one side of life. But because of our shame, we are also perpetuating this message.

Because no one else is sharing, we also hide our struggle. Hide our stretch marks. Hide our saggy bits. Hide our ageing. Hide our unbalanced angles. Hide our pain. Hide our sadness. Hide our loneliness. Hide our fear. 

I don't want to play a part in perpetuating this one-sidedness anymore. I don't want another woman feeling that she is the only one who struggles and I don't want to feel like I'm the only one either. I want to normalise human life and unique human bodies and play a part in this being the loudest message we hear. 

So in my courses and classes, (and also in my friendships) I make a point of sharing my unbalanced bits and the pain I live and have lived and the answers I do not know because it offers others a safe space to do the same. And when a group of women come together and share what it is to be human, both sides of the story, the ups AND the downs, the light and the dark, whoah, the self-acceptance and compassion that this sharing perpetuates is phenomenal. 

It's not about coming together to victimise ourselves or to complain and moan. It's about taking off the masks and sharing our true humanness. Our most natural state. We stop fighting ourselves and reveal "here's my human bits, the awesomeness, the joy as well as my past battle wounds and my current battles and I share this with you so you know you can be human too, you are human, and that's okay". Just to know that it's okay to have unbalanced bits, that others do too and that it is actually f*cking normal to have pain & struggle, to feel lonely, overwhelmed and sad at times, is incredibly liberating.

OMG I'm actually human and that's okay? And I don't need to be fixed and changed? I can actually just be me. Beautifully unique and f*cked up too? Like everyone is? Really it's okay?

I have been married, divorced, cheated, been cheated on, had numerous partners, had abusive relationships, been abusive myself, my parents divorced, I still struggle with expressing myself and my needs to the ones I love, I have abandonment insecurities and jealousies that sometimes I don't understand, I am strong and opinionated, and regret and dwell on many things I say.

I'm turning 35 this year and am angry feeling that I have to worry about fertility, my current partner is only 22 and I fear that we are at different stages and yet I adore him, I'm struggling with getting older (because I also forget I'm human) and seeing signs of it in my body, grey hair, sagging breasts, untoned legs and yet I do deeply desire to honour my body for the brilliant vehicle that it is, so generously taking me from place to place, allowing me to hug the people I love and graciously grow old and wise with it ...

I share this short snippet of my humanness because I want to represent and perpetuate both sides of being human, because I too don't want to forget that being human is natural, because I do not want to perpetuate being addicted to feeling good and protecting myself and others from being uncomfortable. I want to practice being at peace with the uncomfortable side of life and the unique, unbalanced bits of me.

How can we know the joy and gift it is to love and be loved if we haven't ever experienced the other side, loneliness?? Loneliness, which is extremely uncomfortable, is just as important to the equation of love and being loved. Why do we judge it as wrong and ourselves wrong for feeling it and try to fix and change it and ourselves? When we feel anything uncomfortable why do we judge it as wrong? When our bodies and our lives are both light and dark and will be for the rest of our lives. Why don't we take judgement off our bodies and lives and just experience the humanness of them?

I believe our judgment and trying to fix and change ourselves is purely conditioning, what we've been taught up until now, because of what we predominantly see and experience in the information we are exposed to and what we are sharing or not sharing ourselves ... we have forgotten the truth of what it is to be human. 

So I want to do my bit and help you remember. Remember that you are meant to be unique and life will be a journey of awesomeness and sh*tty hard stuff until the day you die, it will be both, forever, and that is okay!!!

Here are a few little posts you can visit when you notice you've forgotten ... 

"YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL" IS A GLOBAL CAMPAIGN TO SHARE WOMEN'S PORTRAITS AND AUTHENTIC STORIES

JADE BEALL PHOTOGRAPHY FACEBOOK POST ON BELOVEDS FOR OVER 20 YEARS
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IMMUNE CELEBRATE YOUR UNIQUE VIDEO


Other actions I humbly suggest that we as a community begin to adopt if you also, like me, would like to cease perpetuating the forgetting and help people remember that it's okay to be human ...​
​

We don't need to fight against anything, or express our disgust, anger or frustration at the current unbalanced information overload, we can truly begin to change things just in how we live our lives and what we are willing to courageously share with others. 

We can choose to do our bit to stop perpetuating what is only one side of the truth and start sharing all of our humanness, show others that its quite normal to have unique bodies and ups as well as downs equally ... its okay to be human!

​It's actually all we can be ;-) xx

I don't know about you but 2015 was a doosy year for me! Although, now I look back and think thank goodness I went through all of that as I have a newfound stability that I couldn't have accessed not having experienced the pressure of 2015. 

The beginning half of 2015 for me looked very different to the end half of the year, which honestly I can say does bring up a little nervousness in me but also equal excitement at how much life can change in such a short period of time.  

MONEY

At the beginning of the year I was in a very unloving, abusive relationship that I was trying with all my heart and soul to make work, but the damage was too great by that stage, damage that we had both done, the abuse was mutual and the acceptance of it was mutual too. I was experiencing high levels of anxiety and fear and so called it quits around the end of February and moved into a new home on my own in which I was paying considerable more rent ($420 a week on my own) which brought it's own anxiety and fear. 

I chose to practice trust and surrender to the universe and the spiritual realms that guide me. When I applied for this house I was not the strongest candidate. A single woman on her own who was in the first year of a yoga & meditation business ha! But I gave my landlords my presence and took time to engage with them when inspecting the home. I consciously chose to leave them feeling acknowledged and appreciated for the beautiful property that they own which is now my home. It is a gorgeous little cottage. Have you seen my instagram pics?

So yes, they chose me as their new tennant and when I found out I burst into tears. Tears of joy at feeling supported by the universe to have me chosen for this beautiful cottage and tears at the change I was facing, the releasing of a relationship that I was soooo attached to making work as well as the exorbitant rent I was about to start paying. How the f*&k was I to afford $420 a week on my own in my first year of business? 

Boy did I practice surrender last year! Not only was I observing, allowing and surrendering my own limiting beliefs, fears and anxious emotions around money but also others who were like "Whoah Mish what are you doing?". 

I would say to myself over and over that Oprah wouldn't find $420 per week expensive why should I? Oprah is just a person too! That actually helped. I also decided I would be grateful for what I had. I wouldn't let my fear ruin the joy I felt to be in my home. And so I consciously and with much determination allowed myself to enjoy the house. I gave her a name "Honey" so that I could walk through the door and say "Honey I'm home!" I would look up at the mountain that is literally in my backyard and feel her supporting me and I took regular walks to the beach which is at the end of my street, enveloping myself with beauty. 

I'm proud to say I paid $420 a week by myself without using any of my savings until late October when I decided to get housemates in to help out so that I could begin to save money. I now live with 3 awesome people, who are so positive and easy going, who enrich my life and I only pay $85 per week as my portion of the rent woot woot!! I have also held countless Women's Moon Gatherings and Meditation Retreats in Honey's beautiful little walls and everyone who visits says she feels like a warm hug. 

I feel like this "rent experience" last year was to stretch what I believe was possible for me and to relentlessly practice surrender and trust. I didn't sacrifice much throughout the year, obviously I didn't spend outrageously however I still managed to afford to pay a life coach for support which cost me $2,000 as well. And honestly I share this with you as I'm so stoked with what is possible and hope it inspires you too!

RELATIONSHIPS & LOVE

Throughout the beginning of the year I also experienced the pain of loss and grief, letting go of the relationship with my ex. I relived much of the pain in my mind and yet again chose to approach it in a different way. Rather than go out and get busy, I stayed inside, by myself and cried or felt it out. I had moments of panic attacks, heart ache, self judgment and regret. But all the while didn't shy away from the experience. I wanted to move through it not avoid or suppress it. Thank goodness for my Kundalini Yoga training as it really taught me to be able to hold the uncomfortable experiences rather than resist them. 

It was a ridiculously painful experience and yet again I rigorously practiced thought control, firstly by allowing thoughts to be there and then to rewire patterns. Anytime I would think thoughts of how sh*t I was as a girlfriend I would replay the scenario the way I would have loved to have been, how I would choose to be now. Anytime I thought about happy memories and what I had lost or missed, I would think about how I had contributed to those times being awesome. 

Along the journey of healing, I began to date again which brought it's own series of challenges haha! My attachments to security came up full force. Wanting to know where things were going, wanting to make them go a certain way. I didn't act upon my attachments however (this time haha!), I saw them, felt them and kept reciting to myself "I don't need you, I just enjoy your company." I allowed certain connections to go how they went, to fall away or to build into something as they did. 

I really decided this time that this was my life and I needed to be responsible for it, not be unconsciously or consciously hoping that a man would come along and ease the financial strain, make me feel like I had someone to fall back on when the sh*t hit the fan or even to run by different decisions I had to make regarding my business or anything really in life. I fully owned my own life. What do I really want? How do I want my life to be? And how can I take responsibility for making that happen? That's not to say that I don't accept support along the way, just that I'm not looking for it, not needing it, not expecting it. I can have an awesomely satisfying life on my own or with a partner. 

My other f*cking awesome revelation that has changed my life is that relationships are not about receiving. It just popped into my consciousness one day. Probably inspired from reflecting at my past poor behaviour in relationships. Now this was a massively hard one for me to finally fully get. I mean why would I want a relationship if I wasn't receiving anything from it? Well, it's a good question isn't it? ;-)

All my relationship life since I was 16 (and I'm now 34) I have been looking for "what's in it for me?" Like seriously, what qualities do you have that I like, might need, lets do a trade of stuff. I'll give you this if you give me that. Hey, you're not giving me this anymore, so why should I give you that? P*ss off then! I'll find someone better, more inspiring, less selfish, more giving ..... hmmmmm. Mirrors, mirrors, everywhere!!

When I could see the gift in that realisation, you don't receive ANYTHING in relationships, I was then free! Right then, how can I receive? Ahhhhh I need to give to myself, be responsible for getting my needs met myself awesome! And then why do I want a relationship? Ahhhhh that's about purely just wanting to make someone elses day awesome. Because I want to. Not because they're demanding it either. Just because I want to leave that person feeling better having interacted with me. Actually all my relationships are about that! And it only took me 16 years to figure that one out! Haha!

So then I attracted a totally different relationship into my life towards the end of the year, one in which I just want to make his day awesome. And funnily enough he mirrors me in this. So he's totally up for making my day awesome too.  

MY CURRENT RELATIONSHIP

Attracting my current partner this year has also had me practice letting go of certainty and the future. I have often used relationships as "future security". I can know I will have this partner and can fall back on him and everything will feel more secure. 

Well my current partner is 22 and I'm 34. So that's a considerable "life stage" gap. I am heading towards my potential "baby making" years and he is just getting clear on what he wants from his life. But I love him. So I was confronted a little by this when we were first hanging out. And to be honest, I'm still confronted by this. But similar to the rent situation earlier in the year, I'm letting go and trusting.

Whether I'm with a 22 year old or someone my age, no relationship is certain long term, and since I don't want babies right this very minute, I would only be ending our relationship out of fear of future hurt, and I'm choosing love not fear in my life. So there you go, to be continued ...

MEN 

​Two invaluable realisations about men that my ex taught me and that I fully practiced in 2015 are ...

1) Men actually don't want to hurt you. They don't want to disappoint you either.
2) Men want to be your Hero.

Of course there are times when we women get hurt and disappointed. It's inevitable. But we get to choose the way in which we communicate it don't we? I had to accept that men are humans too! Gasp! And they're going to f*ck up once in a while, perhaps multiple times. I have begun to slow down, feel my feelings of hurt and disappointment and then decide how to express them, sometimes if at all. And I don't mean that I suppress them. I just ask myself, am I being kind here. Is this going to make him feel deflated or empowered? And sometimes I use my disappointment and hurt to benefit me. It's an opportunity to be more loving than ever and to totally blow his mind. 

An example: My current partner, he is clumsy and breaks things ... often. He has broken plates, wine glasses and my car. He always spills water and sh*t all over the place and himself. It's disappointing when he breaks something I love, say my car, when I let him borrow it and he drove over something and ripped the front bumper off it.

Yeah it's annoying I have to get it fixed, I feel that frustration in my chest and breath, but I have two choices. I can either project my frustration and disappointment out and make him feel sh*t too, let him have it (do I honestly think that's going to teach him anything?) or I could have a laugh, call "First World Problem" (which is a little saying we have when something goes wrong, or something breaks that really isn't that important, I mean I'm blessed to have a car at all!) and have compassion for him. He was beating himself up enough over my car, why would I add to that? I want to make his day awesome, so I did. I said "Babe, its a car, it can be fixed, at least no one was hurt, how funny that you borrowed my car and you did that!" and laughed about how cute and clumsy he is. When he went to get a quote to get it fixed the mechanic said "Geez how did your girlfriend take it?" My boyf told him and he was like "Wow, keep that one!" See how it works in my benefit?! ;-)

But what a gift it is to make it safe for someone to make mistakes. That's what I want to give to my relationship. And I know men don't want to disappoint or hurt a woman, so I remind myself that he doesn't do these things on purpose and then swing it in my benefit by being unconditionally loving. Score for us both!!

He also wants to be my hero, so whenever he does anything for me, mows the lawn, does the dishes, says something that helps me, makes me a coffee, I want to make him feel like it makes a massive difference to me, that he is my hero. It makes him feel good. And if you've ever been on your own for an extended period of time doing EVERYTHING yourself, then if someone, whoever it is, does the dishes for you it actually is a MASSIVE deal. It is something you want to kiss their feet for.

This year I've decided (daily reminder) to make it easy for my man to be my Hero and honestly since doing this, my man only wants to do more and more for me, because it makes him feel so awesome. Again, score for us both!! 

So 2015 truly transformed me in the realm of relationships and love. What I started with at the beginning of the year to what I am experiencing now are worlds apart!

FRIENDS AND SOUL FAMILY

The other truly wonderful thing that showed up for me was my soulmate girl tribe. I really believe both women and men need to have a tribe. Those people you know you can fall back on when the sh*t hits the fan, and that its not just your partner you're relying on. It's given me the security I was looking for in a relationship. 

I met three of my closest girlfriends in July/August who are real and get my spiritual mumbo jumbo and tell me how it is and love me profusely and go out partying with me and sit on the couch and have tea. We talk daily. We see each other at least weekly.

I had girlfriends before these three came along which are also so supportive, but in 2015 they were all having babies, getting married and buying houses and setting up their own businesses so at the start of the year I had A LOT of cold, winter alone time. I'd go on long walks by myself to pass the time, which was lovely, but I was lonely. I wanted a family. All my family live in another state to me so I can't just pop around to mum's place. These girlfriends popped into my life at the perfect time. Enough time for me to make peace with my loneliness but not too much that I was turning into a crazy hermit lady. 

As well as these girlfriends magically arriving, I started hanging out in a local cafe that felt like home to me and met the awesome business owners who have become like family to me. I scored myself a shift in the cafe which helped with my finances and scored myself the barista as my boyf. 

IN REVIEW

So throughout 2015 I've come from abusive, anxious inducing relationship, heart breakingly lonely and stretched financially to loved up both in my relationship and by my soul family and less pressured financially. 

But mostly I have grown courage. Courage to feel through the ups and downs of life. And fully accepting that this is the design of life. We aren't here to be happy all the time. If I hadn't gone through the challenges of the beginning of this year I wouldn't have prospered so significantly in these areas of my life or been able to recognise them as the immeasurable gifts that they are. And who knows what 2016 holds for me. Given the change that can happen within a year, lets see where I am in a couple of months haha!!

I also wouldn't have been able to practice trust and surrender and truly experience myself being carried and guided spiritually. This one aspect gives me so much peace. So no matter what I'm faced with, and there will be inevitable challenges in the future, I can trust and surrender. It will pass and I can find peace in the agony of it while it lasts.

I feel like I've grown as a human and as a teacher. I now have way more depth in what to draw from in my teaching for this upcoming year. And I can't wait to share it all with my students. 

2016 for me is a year I'd like to take on the truth of money and abundance. Although I did stretch myself last year, I know there's so much more I can learn around the spiritual world of abundance and manifestation. Like what is the real truth of it? Is it about sacrifice, or can abundance come to you with ease and grace? Or is it a little of both? I'd like to find out the truth of it, so bring it on!!

I hope you've enjoyed reading my year in review and my sincere hope is that my sharing benefits you in some way along your journey. And if you'd like to hang out in person throughout the year, head back to my HOME PAGE which has a list of all my classes and courses coming up and then I can share with you what's opening up for me in the world of money and abundance as well as support you in those areas of life which challenged me last year xx

Love, peace, agony & ecstasy, 

SON OF PENTACLES
The overall theme of the year is in the Pentacles Family which relates to our money, career and businesses. There are four other Pentacle cards within our reading as well as four Sword cards, relating to action and intellect and our constructive and deconstructive tendencies.  
It looks like 2016 could be a year for working through and transforming how we relate to business, abundance and material objects. 
The Son of Pentacles is loyal, determined and trustworthy but can also become stubborn and focused on faults. This card also reminds us to not become unbalanced in our career endeavors and to remember the people in our lives and nurture our relationships. You don't want to get to the end of 2016 having achieved your career, business or abundance goals and have no one to share them with.  

FOUR OF PENTACLES
Challenges you in January to begin looking at your concept of wealth. You may feel the excitement and inspiration of all the possibilites of the New Year however if money is flowing to you, ensure it is also flowing out with love and creating prosperity to others. Beware of becoming controlling or possessive about your abundance around fear. 
Mish Share: Last year I was contemplating living overseas for an extended period of time and so thoughts of what to do with all my household stuff were flooding in. When I started to think about culling my clothing and jewelry I began to feel fear. What if I wanted to wear that stuff in the future? I began to question why I doubted my ability to manifest new things as they were needed so that I could have freedom to allow old things to go. It was an interested realisation. I believe I can't let go of things because I may never be able to manifest them again. No wonder new things don't flow in. (PS: I'm still on this journey and what I'm opening to learning in 2016)

TWO OF PENTACLES
This card indicates change, and because it is a Pentacles Card it relates to change in business, a new job, financial situation or perhaps a new location. Change is always challenging as we tend to want certainty, to know exactly how things will pan out, however if we can let go of the need for certainty, feel our fear, feel where it is in our body but not react to it and use this sensation as a reminder to become present, look around us, see what gift the present moment holds, what magic there is for us to see or experience right now, then we can let go of needing to know what the future holds and the journey becomes enjoyable, even in times of change.

SIX OF SWORDS
March is a hopeful card. If we have experienced the challenge of change in February then March is  letting you know there will be recovery but to remember to rest and relax, balance the things "you have to do" with the things "you want to do". Remember you get to choose. Ask yourself "Who is making me do this?" Generally the answer is ourselves, and when you realise it is only yourself who is pressuring yourself then you can choose differently. The Six of Swords says to plan a fun trip, be with friends and have some fun. 

MOTHER OF PENTACLES
The Mother of Pentacles is domestic so this card relates to the home, children or family in April. It is warning a potential for getting too wrapped up in situations of the home or the people in your family, perhaps linking your identity too closely to these people or your role within this dynamic. Even if you are living alone, perhaps thoughts around family or the home are arising. 
There is a great video I watched the other day about being a mother in the modern world, but even if you're not a mother or a woman for that matter it has a great message around filling ourselves first so that we can be there for others, or more importantly, giving ourselves permission to do so.
​WATCH THE VIDEO HERE

SEVEN OF CUPS
Cups related to our emotions and this card in May indicates that we may feel the urge to cut corners, to access pleasure more quickly and avoid or judge our pain and challenge or to shortcut to our financial goals. It suggests that we step away for a while until we can re-centre, get support to be able to go through the challenges, to stay true to our path, to know that life is about ups and downs, that it doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong if we go through a down, its just another experience to be had. 
This is when I would increase the spiritual practices that support me, primarily if I am resisting challenge I would choose Kundalini Yoga & Meditation as it helps me access my Navel Power, my courage, my will, whilst quieting my mind which tends to judge and resist my experience rather than feel into it. 

MOTHER OF SWORDS
The Mother of Swords is all seeing and all knowing. In June again there is a tendency to judge or criticize our experience. My message in all of my classes and courses is that there is no "getting to happiness". We have been sold a lie. Life is ups and downs until the day we die. Your life will be sh*t until the day that you die and your life will be awesome until the day you die. That is the balance of life. And how freeing to accept that! Once you realise that life is a series of ups and downs, when you're in a down period you can ride it out with peace and ease knowing it's not forever and maybe even begin to "enjoy" the experience of it, use it as an opportunity to feel into the dichotomy of life, knowing the more you feel into the uncomfortable the more joy you experience from the comfortable. Accepting that life is a series of ups and downs also allows you to not get attached to the up times and subsequently feel fear about losing them. You know that eventually the up times will end too and so you can be present and grateful for them while they last, not afraid of losing them as you know you will. So throughout June practice allowing, practice letting go of judgement to whatever your experiencing, comfortable or uncomfortable. When you can be with any experience you have immense power and freedom. Life can flow and happen and you can experience it in a state of peace and allowing. This is the ultimate journey of life.

THE HANGED MAN
Again a card suggesting it is time to let go of attachment and judgment. It seems that May, June, July and even August is a powerful period to really practice surrender. To fully go into whatever the sensation, emotion, thought process and fully feel it. Fully feeling, give up our resistance and judgement is what I believe is true self-love. When you judge an experience as wrong, an emotion as undesireable, a thought process as stupid you are denying a part of yourself in that moment. You are saying that you are wrong. When you can allow all of your experiences, all of your emotions, all of your thoughts and just feel them, you experience transcendence over your experience and as I said before, uncomfortable experiences become opportunities to experience deeper and deeper levels of peace. 

EIGHT OF SWORDS
In August, as previously mentioned, the challenge will continue. You may have feelings of being trapped or powerless, but continue to keep playing with the idea that this too shall pass, accepting the ups and downs of life and feeling into ALL experiences. Always get the support you need in challenging times, but make sure that the practices you seek out are not about fixing or changing your experience but assisting you to "be with" the experience. Again I suggest Kundalini Yoga & Meditation or Vipassana Meditation. These are both practices that have you feel into all sensations in the body and watch them as they move and change without resistance. You really experience the transcendence that comes through full self acceptance. 

DAUGHTER OF PENTACLES
In September we will experience our true power. We will have come through the uncomfortable experiences and practiced non-resitance and non-judgment and have a newfound sense of inner stability knowing we can allow all experiences of life. Remembering this year is about our career, business and money, the Daughter of Pentacles also suggests this inner stability will be experienced in this area of our life. So we may have been challenged in our thoughts, emotions and sensations relating to our money, career or businesses for a few months and now we can choose how to act rather than react out of fear or resistance. We become free! 

SEVEN OF SWORDS
In October its time to recognise the last hidden or secret thoughts, beliefs or behaviours that we may not have fully accepted. Now that you have the skill to be able to allow all thoughts, feelings and sensations, any lingering, deep remnants can come to the surface to be observed, felt and healed.  

THE TOWER
As so much has been healed and transformed over the last couple of months November will be a time of change. As you have been doing the deep inner work throughout the year, allowing both your darkness and your light to be experienced, your external circumstances will begin to shift and change. Remember not to resist this change. Remember what you learnt in February. Reflect on how differently you approach these changes. Again, be with whatever sensations arise and allow them to pass through. These changes will be experienced by you as a personal breakthrough.  

FATHER OF WANDS
Your inner work is paying off. You are able to hold steady in conflicted times. You have observed all of your inner workings around career, money and business. You are now less reactive to your previously held beliefs, emotions and thoughts. You can now choose how you want to be, what you want to believe, and have peace as all sensations arise and pass through you. Fear, doubt & anguish can exist within you as can ease, excitement and certainty. No matter what you experience around money, business and career, and there will always be up and down times, you can be with it. You don't add any suffering to the suffering. The old stuff has been allowed, felt and healed and so now what?

Now what beliefs are truth? What thoughts are real? Now that you can be with whatever arises and feel, observe and allow, you get to choose what you want to consciously experience. You get to now create all that you desire in your business, career or around money. Now that you've cleared out the old, you can start afresh, anew! A blank canvas is ready ... what do you choose to paint?

So it looks like it's going to be an eventful year around money, business and our careers. Perhaps take some time in January to write a few things down that you're currently challenged by in this area and what you'd love to see unfold by December 2016. And then let it go! 

If you'd like a more personal Tarot Reading for your 2016 I've discounted readings to $49.00 for an hour in January so feel free to email me mish@meditationwithmish.com to book in either face-to-face or skype-to-skype. 

And however your 2016 pans out, mostly I wish for you to be present along the journey, relish in the agony and ecstacy of being human and enjoy the ride!

Peace, love, agony & ecstacy ;-)

THE HERMIT
This week the only thing that will get in the way of your prosperous, celebratory time is if you become a Hermit. Get out and about! Connect with people, whomever it is. Your Barista is a person too! So is the supermarket check out attendant. Spread your love around this week.

FATHER OF CUPS
Perhaps you're hesitant to spread your love around because you feel insecure? The Father of Cups in this position in this week's reading is asking you to let go of your insecurities this week. Smile wherever you go and with whomever you meet. Spreading the love will return ten fold!

SON OF CUPS
Last week you may have gone inward a little more than usual? Perhaps it was an intense week and you needed to. That's cool, this week is different. It's your time to shine.

MOTHER OF PENTACLES
She seems to be coming up a fair bit in our group readings and so indicates to me that we all need to let go a little of the safety of our homes and the attachment to our families. This week remember there is a whole world of other people out there! Our collective family. Get out and connect with them. Allow the love of your family to spread out into your community.

THE HIGH PRIESTESS
Although this week we are encouraged to get out and about, to leave the "safety" of our home and spread our love and cheer around, everything shifts and changes and there will be time again to go inward in stillness in the future. So don't feel as though if you get out of your comfort zone and leave your home that the door will be closed and locked so you can't return. We are in a constant flow of energy in and energy out. Just remember this week we are balancing energy out. Spread your love and energy around!

SIX OF WANDS
If you spread the love around this week you will feel new life taking flight and you'll be reveling in the joy of success soon! You'll be leaving behind the energy of the past weeks, don't look back, but ask yourself "Where will I go with my new set of wings?"

TWO OF SWORDS
Your environment may challenge you to get out and about this week. You may feel the pull of two opposing forces. Perhaps you feel guilty spreading your love and connection around where you should be giving it to your family or closest friends. Notice when this guilt arises in you, feel it, but then connect with the unlimited well of love within you. There truly is enough to go around!

DAUGHTER OF SWORDS
Perhaps your fears are about coming out from being the "watcher" and becoming a participator. You've been more likely to judge and watch others around you rather than connecting. Perhaps you put pressure on yourself to connect with people in the perfect way. Let yourself off the hook this week. Just smile, say hi, reach out to friends, get social at any opportunity that presents itself. Stop watching and start participating. Secretly that is what you are hoping for however scarey it may seem :)

TWO OF CUPS
The two of cups indicates that by having a week of connecting with others will result in connection, love and even romance. New love is heading your way! This could be in the form of a partner that you connect with through sending your energy outward this week, but it could also mean new love in new friends and acquaintances or a new love of yourself. In putting yourself out there, in connecting with others, you grow a deeper love for yourself. You enjoy being who you are. Someone who gives, who reaches out and connects with others. You're that person who smiles and brightens everyone's day!

• Start smiling wherever you go and to whomever you contact. Let go of your insecurities. Be okay with receiving doughnuts (TRANSLATION: doughnuts are shaped like the number zero and hence mean you're receiving nothing back haha! Another way to use this word is "He gave me doughnuts!" Which is how I feel about the dating world right now haha!!)
• Get out of the house a little more often. Just stretch, even if its cold and watching the Bachelor is more appealing that hanging out with a girlfriend. Why not watch the Bachelor together?? Text her now :) And men reading this just get off the couch!
• Give love out wherever you are in whatever opportunities arise. So whether it is a smile, or a simple hello, or ask a question when you normally wouldnt, chat to your neighbour if they're out in the garden at the same time, whatever opportunities arise. Remember your intention is to GIVE love not to RECEIVE it. So give freely. Who cares if you get doughnuts back?!
  
• ENJOY the fabulous week of energy and prosperity ahead and feel free to comment below with how your love giving went. I want to hear about it x

PS if you want a personalised Tarot Reading for a particular challenge or question you have CLICK HERE to book! I'm changing my rates tomorrow ...

SIX OF CUPS
Since the Heart of the Matter this week is one of challenge, the opposing card is here to support you. The Six of Cups indicates that you should bring back the innocence of childhood. Enjoy simple, fun pleasures like you did as a child. What things did you love doing as a kid? When your mind begins to move to worry thoughts, go and do one of these things.

THE MAGICIAN
The Magician is an ACTION card. It talks of expansive, boundless energy and yet as this card is in the "Root Cause" position it indicates that this is causing your worry. Perhaps you're taking too much action to "fix" your worries. Or your energy is scattered and not still and focused. Time to stop being a human-doing and become a human-being. Again bring back those simple things you loved as a child and give up over-action this week.

THE SON OF PENTACLES
The Son of Pentacles is a card of loyalty, trust and dependency although tending on stubbornness. This archetype also depicts social awkwardness. Are these qualities of the past impacting on your current worries? Do you have fears around loyalty, trust and dependency? Is there stubbornness of worry thoughts? Has there been past social awkwardness or something in that realm that you're afraid of reliving? Time to let go of the past and realise every moment is anew. 

MOTHER OF PENTACLES
The Mother of Pentacles archetype suggests your identity may be currently too attached to others and what they think of you or how they need you. Or you could be currently attached to the outcome of a situation. If this is the case, how can you let go of this attachment? I've been using a prayer of release for the relationships/situations I feel I'm clinging to.
PRAYER: "I send this person/situation love and release their/it's energy from mine. I pray that the Universe/God/Spirit break the bonds of attachment between us/the situation so that we can both/or I can freely love without conditions. I give this relationship/situation over to the Universe/God/Spirit"

THE EMPEROR
This card indicates stability and decisiveness, standing strong and tall and knowing just what to do. Once you move through this worry period, bring back those things you loved doing as a child, stop taking so much action and release your attachments, you can be certain you will make the right choices and take heart centred actions in the future. 

MOTHER OF CUPS
The Mother of Cups indicates that you have strong intuition but may be getting caught up in victim consciousness when it comes to your worries. You also may be feeling aggressive and defensive. Just notice when that energy arises in you. Don't suppress it, but also don't react to it. Just feel it. Acknowledge it. Allow yourself time and space before communicating it.

NINE OF CUPS
This is the card of wishes coming true. So your environment is supporting you to cast all your fears and worries away. Peace, harmony & happiness are heading your way. So what have you got to worry about? Begin to look around. Look at all of the blessings currently around you. The simplest things, the things you loved as a kid are all still there, just look.

THE HIGH PRIESTESS
What we dream for can often be what we also fear. The High Priestess indicates you become more still, go within and take less action. Just as we discovered in the "Root Cause", perhaps you've been taking too much action and it's adding to your worries and anxiety. Time to be still. Being still can sometimes be scarey. It can make us feel like we are "giving up" and we worry, how will anything change unless I "do something"? This week give stillness a go. Let yourself do nothing and see how much gets done. When you take action again it will come from a more heart centred, intuitive, certain place.

TWO OF PENTACLES
The outcome for this week is one of change. The Two of Pentacles is letting you know that things will change. All states are impermanent, remind yourself of this. If you feel stuck it will change. If you feel content, don't become attached, this too will change. Be present and enjoy the things you are experiencing in the present moment whether comfortable or uncomfortable. Experience it all. A wold of possibility is balanced on your delicate wings. This too shall pass.

• Bring back your childlike innocence and bring back fun and simple pleasures this week;
• Stop being a human-doing and become a human-being this week;
• Use the prayer or affirmation above (if it speaks to you or create your own) to release attachments to people or situations;
• Be mindful of victim consciousness this week and take time to meditate, allowing thoughts to pass by. Allow time and space before acting or reacting out of your emotion.
  

We are in constant motion. Allow yourself time to acknowledge where you are stuck, feel into your stuckness, let go of resistance or trying to fix the situation. Thinking a situation, emotion or person is wrong and should be different just adds more suffering to an already uncomfortable situation. 

Do something different. Have courage and allow it. 

Six of Swords
The Challenge Card is what challenges the Heart of the Matter, so this week it's indicating what we can do to support ourselves if we are feeling burdened blocked or hopeless.

The Six of Swords suggests we take time to rest, revitalise and surround ourselves with joyful friends. Remember what is working in your life. There is always light and dark in every moment. When our mind gets stuck on on either light or dark we lose balance. Embrace both within your life. 

If you find your mind getting stuck on the dark side this week, notice where there is light, however small. Look around, there is always simple and beautiful if you look for it.

Three of Pentacles
The Root Cause this week of us feeling burdened, blocked or hopeless is indicated as overwhelm, and too much discipline & strategy generally associated with our work or career.

We need to begin to ask for help, rely on others, even if it is as simple as going out with someone for dinner, for a walk or to hang on the couch and watch your favourite TV series. Do something unplanned. Do something out of the usual routine.

And perhaps ask yourself; what am I working for? What feeling am I hoping to achieve? Does the way I currently approaching my work align with this feeling? How can I bring more of this feeling into my life now, rather than waiting for the elusive future to arrive?

The Fool
The Fool is not a negative card, it describes that part of you that is willing to be spontaneous and innocent. Who is willing to take risks and be seen as a fool.

Begin to connect to a time in your past where you were free to be the Fool. When you were willing to step outside your comfort zone and be spontaneous, excited and naive. Begin to bring that part of yourself back into your every day life, especially in relation to work. Give up being so planned and strategic. Take the pressure off and be willing to be the Fool again.

The Mother of Pentacles
Do you feel a sense of responsibility that is weighing you down, causing you to have no joy in your work? You have people to provide for or societal or economic pressures that you've been allowing to influence your beliefs about whether you can enjoy what you do.

You believe you just have to get on with it. Like the Mother of Pentacles who's identity becomes wrapped up entirely around her children and home, you've lost the "why" you are doing what you're doing.

Like the Root Cause above again ask yourself; what am I working for? Generally it is a feeling. It is an illusion that we are working for others or because we must. Reconnect with the feeling you want to access. Is it harmony, success, stability, happiness?

The Chariot
Let go of thinking there is something wrong with your situation this week, don't add additional suffering, acknowledge where there is light in your life, however small, reconnect with the feeling of why you do what you do, let go of strategy and plans, do something different this week, something spontaneous, something foolish and you will come out triumphant!

You will access your inner warrior, the courage to ride this week through, with no resistance and head towards all that you dream of!

The Ten of Swords
Have you been caught up in melodrama? Do you succumb to victim consciousness. Be aware this week. As this week may be one where you could feel burdened, blocked or hopeless, don't get caught in this cycle of adding more suffering.

But remember, there is nothing wrong with getting caught in this thinking. You are human, you know. (You do know that don't you ;-) But just catch yourself. Be aware. Notice when your mind goes there and use this week to change the pattern.

Notice it. Have compassion. Shift your focus.

Suggested affirmation: "This is not me, it is my mind pattern. I am this present moment." Take a breath, look around, see the simplicity, see the beauty. Ahhh there you are.

The Four of Swords
Again the Four of Swords is indicating it's time to take rest and be observant. The environment can look menacing this week, it's easy to look outside ourselves and blame our environment for the discomfort, but take the road that will make a bigger difference to you in the long run.

Go inward. Take extra time to meditate this week. Or go for a walk without your phone and be present with what you see, feel and hear. Allow this week's hardships to make a progressive difference in your life. Be open to the possibility.

The Nine of Cups
What you Hope for can also be something you may Fear. The Nine of Cups is about dreams and wishes coming true.

If you gave up adding more suffering to your situation this week, if you stepped into feeling how you want to feel, if you started being more spontaneous this week, acting the fool, if you spent a little more time going within what would transform in your life? Is that something you're yearning for but perhaps a little afraid of what you may have to change to create it?

Sit with those feelings. Again, don't resist. Allow your fear to be there. Acknowledge it. As you feel into it, space will arise and then your hopes will be possible.

Two of Swords
This card confirms the flavour of this week is going to be one of blockage. There are currently two opposing forces within you that do not allow forward movement this week. Perhaps two opposing belief systems. Yes, I can have all that I desire - No I can't have all I desire. Yes, I can enjoy my work - No, I just have to do what's required. Yes, I can rest and relax - No, I have too much to do.

Again, time to really prioritise rest, to go within, spend time with friends, give up the strategy and planning, give up the solutions, don't add more suffering by resisting the uncomfortable.

Remember; to experience the Light of Day we must have the Darkness of Night. Is the night wrong? No. The night is time for rest. Embrace it's qualities.

• Take all judgement off the uncomfortable this week. If you're feeling crappy (overwhelmed, blocked, hopeless, fearful) allow yourself to feel the sensations in the body, get to know crappy. Don't try to fix or change it.
  AFFIRM (write on a sticky note): "I welcome this feeling. It's allowing me to practice being with all the shades of life and to not create more suffering for myself. This will be a valuable skill that will make a massive difference in my life."
• This week, set a reminder for yourself in your phone each day to stop and look around in the moment. Acknowledge the little things that are going right, however small. Even if just the sunlight through the window.
• Connect with the feeling you're wanting to create in your work life. Why are you doing what you're doing? It will be a feeling. You want to feel abundant, safe, secure, worthwhile. Begin to contemplate this. See what arises for you.
• Give up planning just this week. Be spontaneous. Connect with your past self when you weren't afraid of being the Fool. Bring him/her back into your life.
  
• Notice when you start to think in victim or melodrama. Notice it. Have compassion. Gently shift your focus.
  AFFIRM (write on sticky note): "This is not me, it is my mind pattern. I am this present moment."
  Take a breath, look around, see the simplicity, see the beauty. Ahhh there you are.
• Plan time to meditate this week. Even if it's only once.
  TRY THIS RECORDING: Meditation to Experience Your Boundlessness

MAKE SURE YOU DON'T MISS OUT ON ANY FUTURE WEEKLY TAROT READINGS BY PUTTING YOUR EMAIL BELOW >>

and “it’s just another addiction to distract us from feeling our feelings!!”,

but if I’m honest, I also participate in my own social media numbing habits.

When I’m having a down moment, I have to come clean and admit that I do use social media to avoid feeling the way I’m feeling. I feel anxious, sad or lonely and so rather than sit with it, I’ll often unconsciously grab my phone and start scowering through my social media feeds to find something to lighten my mood. Or simply to help me forget that I’m even in a mood!

What’s wrong with that? I mean I want to stop feeling the way I’m feeling and maybe social media can help that?

There’s nothing wrong with it, I’ve just found it actually doesn't work! Avoiding, escaping or trying to fix my feelings actually makes them louder, stronger and more set in.

Which takes me to the “pregnant, married, entrepreneurial, super model” wormhole. Whaaaa?

When I’m trying to avoid, escape or fix my feelings with social media, I tend to find more reasons to feel the way I feel, and with the help of the “pregnant, married, entrepreneurial, super model”, I can end up down a horrid, deep and dark social media wormhole.

You know those ones where you click on a profile, you check out the pictures, make assumptions in your head about the life they’re leading, compare your own life, click on their friends profiles, make assumptions about their lives, which creates more comparison …. Why is it that everyone else is happy, successful, fun, beautiful, pregnant and married and I’m not? (cue the violins)

Here is where the anxiety and sad and lonely feelings grow louder, stronger and more set in.

So my solution, as I mentioned earlier, was to put myself on a social media detox! I thought … YEAH! Eliminate the problem entirely!! Damn those “pregnant, married, entrepreneurial, super models”, I’ll just avoid them all together. Take that sh*tty feelings!

But are the “pregnant, married, entrepreneurial, super models” really the problem?

A student of mine actually pulled me up on this, she said “But Mish, you’ve been teaching us NOT to avoid our feelings, that feelings just pass through us, they’re impermanent and if we can be present with them, they don’t become louder, stronger or more set in. They just pass through. So maybe rather than going on a social media detox and avoiding the “pregnant, married, entrepreneurial super models” you should schedule some time to go down those wormholes, sit with it and feel your feelings”.

Snap! Well done student. Nailed it. Teaching others to teach me. Two thumbs up!

She was right! I was totally coming up with a solution to avoid feeling my feelings. And that’s all “solutions” are really - a judgement that something is wrong and it needs fixing, it needs a solution. My feelings don’t need fixing, all they need is to be felt, to be experienced.

Which reminds me of an article that Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun and teacher, spoke about in her audio book Noble Heart that I've been listening to, where her teacher Chogyam Trungpa Riponche was asked about depression. In the article, Riponche described what depression felt like as an experience so vividly that you knew that he really knew what it was to be depressed.

He described in detail that it felt as though everything was closing in, like the ceiling coming down, and there being no where to breath or move and that everything he tried to do to get rid of it just made it worse. And then he said to the person asking him about his thoughts on depression “its so juicy, it has so much energy, its one of the best, its really powerful, it's a wonderful one to contact directly, you should really get into it” and the person of course replied “are you kidding?”

This Buddhist meditation master experienced depression. And his message was to really get into it. To really experience it. That it's one of the best, it’s powerful and wonderful.

So firstly none of us are immune to the rise and fall of human experience, even Buddhist meditation masters, and if we push against it, try to avoid or fix it, it only makes those uncomfortable feelings worse.

And so no longer am I trying to avoid the “pregnant, married, entrepreneurial super model”. I’m embracing what feelings she triggers in me to be experienced. I go deep into the energy of the uncomfortable feelings that she (or my thoughts about her) arise in me.

When I sit with the experience of these feelings, taking judgement off them, purely feeling the energy that they are with awareness, then they pass. As do all feelings. They don’t grow louder, stronger or more set in. I fully allow them to be. They aren't me. They are an experience I’m having. A juicy, energetic, powerful, wonderful experience.

And the more I can just be with the experience, the less I get triggered by social media wormholes. No detox required!

So two thumbs up to you “pregnant, married, entrepreneurial super models” for giving me the opportunity to experience all parts of life without judgement, with openness, courage, love and compassion for myself.

Imagine a world of people purely experiencing their feelings rather than reacting to them. Experiencing their feelings rather than trying to fix and change them, themselves or others.

Imagine a life of being able to do that! Of allowing your feelings to be exactly as they are, without fear, without resistance, where you and the “pregnant, married, entrepreneurial super models” can co-exist in peace and harmony (cue John Lennon).

Are you experiencing feelings of loneliness, sadness, anxiety or comparison? Are you resisting them or trying to fix and change them?

If you’d like support & mentoring in purely experiencing your feelings and seeing how that may be for you, I’d love to work with you.

Head on over to http://www.meditationwithmish.com/private-sessions.html and feel free to contact me first to see if we are a fit x

Off to explore more wormholes ;-)

I have experienced feelings of anxiety on and off for as long as I can remember.

If I am single I am anxious about not being in a relationship. When, where, how, with whom will the next one be?

If I am in a relationship I am anxious about being abandoned. How do I hold onto this feeling? How do we fix this problem so that we can stay together? Am I being a good enough girlfriend so he wont leave? Actually, he is not a good enough boyfriend! Maybe I need a new boyfriend? Or no boyfriend?

If I have limited money I am anxious about whether I’ll be able to pay for my current lifestyle. How do I make more money? When will I make more money? What do I need to do or be to make more money?

If I have enough money I am anxious about how to sustain that level of flow. Will there always be enough? Will this eventually run out? How do I make sure that it doesn't run out?

What I have realised through my pain is that my outer circumstances are actually not determining how I feel. I feel the same whether I’m in a relationship or out of one. I feel the same whether I have money or don’t. I feel anxious regardless of the outer circumstance.

So what is determining the way I feel?

I have found it is my resistance to the present moment. If in the present moment I am in a relationship, I resist it. If in the present moment I have no relationship, I resist it. If in the present moment there is plenty of money, I resist it. If in the present moment there is limited money, I resist it.

What is resistance? Resistance is not accepting things as they are, right now, and so wanting to fix and change “what is”, in order to gain a level of control, a level of certainty, so that I can feel at peace.

And so I fix and change my non-relationship into a relationship or I fix and change my relationship into no relationship. But the anxiety doesn't change. The resistance to “what is” is still there. No matter what happens to my relationship status, the anxiety is still there.

I fix and change my money situation, and so I have money and then I don’t, but the anxiety doesn't change. The resistance to “what is” is still there. No matter what happens to my money situation, the anxiety is still there.

My “fixing and changing” way of being is the only thing that stays constant alongside my anxiety. My external circumstances are changing, but my anxiety isn't.

So what if instead of "fixing and changing" I just surrendered to “what is”? Just allowed my current external circumstance to just be? Just think about that for a moment. What if you could just allow your external circumstances to just be how they are? Right now. Your relationship status. Your money situation. Nothing to fix and change. How does that feel for you?

For me, peace arises.

The peace that I was seeking through fixing and changing is there. Right in this very moment.

If I can allow my external circumstances to be just as they are, I could also allow my internal circumstances to be just as they are. So just allow my feelings of anxiety if and when they arise. Just allow them. Not trying to fix and change them. Feel them. Allow them. Surrender into them.

What arises? Peace.

In a world of fixing and changing, of driven action takers and being convinced that having more/better/bigger "stuff” brings us peace & happiness, surrendering and allowing seems kind of counterproductive doesn't it? What if I don’t like my outer circumstances? What if I can’t pay the bills? What if I want a family one day? I can’t just sit around accepting it all. I have to do something about it!

Let me ask you though, has “doing something” from this place of fixing & changing in order to feel better ever given you what you truly want? I know what you really truly want is that feeling of peace. I know that because that’s what I want too. That feeling that everything is well in my world.

Why not have that right now?

This doesn't mean you won’t take action. But you will no longer be taking action from an anxious place in order to get peace. You will be taking action from a peaceful place purely because you’d like to experience something different. Not because you need something different to make you feel at peace. You truly realise that your outer circumstances changing won't bring you peace and so you take action just because you’d like to experience something new! Or perhaps you take no action at all. Either way, you feel peace.

You already have what you want, peace. And no outer circumstance can take that away from you. Ironically you have found the control you’ve been wanting all along. Peace that arises from within. From your choice to allow, accept and surrender to “what is”. Your outer circumstances no longer control your feelings. Even feelings of anxiety that arise now become merely something to accept and surrender to. Another opportunity to access that deep peace within you.

A world of peaceful people creates a peaceful world. It starts with you. It starts with me. Are you ready to do your bit? I am, as I allow, accept and surrender to "what is" in my life right now.

We all need support on this journey as we begin to live into this surrendered space. It can be a challenge as you pave a new path. I have a coach who supports me and I’d love to support you!

Either join me on my Meditation Day Retreat this Sunday, come visit me in a Kundalini Yoga & Meditation Class or work more intimately with me and your specific resistances by booking a Private Coaching Session.

If you'd like to chat with me to see if we connect and so I can answer any questions you may have contact me for a FREE 15 minute session over the phone or Skype - mish@meditationwithmish.com

Humbly surrendering,