If I am single I am anxious about not being in a relationship. When, where, how, with whom will the next one be?
If I am in a relationship I am anxious about being abandoned. How do I hold onto this feeling? How do we fix this problem so that we can stay together? Am I being a good enough girlfriend so he wont leave? Actually, he is not a good enough boyfriend! Maybe I need a new boyfriend? Or no boyfriend?
If I have limited money I am anxious about whether I’ll be able to pay for my current lifestyle. How do I make more money? When will I make more money? What do I need to do or be to make more money?
If I have enough money I am anxious about how to sustain that level of flow. Will there always be enough? Will this eventually run out? How do I make sure that it doesn't run out?
What I have realised through my pain is that my outer circumstances are actually not determining how I feel. I feel the same whether I’m in a relationship or out of one. I feel the same whether I have money or don’t. I feel anxious regardless of the outer circumstance.
So what is determining the way I feel?
I have found it is my resistance to the present moment. If in the present moment I am in a relationship, I resist it. If in the present moment I have no relationship, I resist it. If in the present moment there is plenty of money, I resist it. If in the present moment there is limited money, I resist it.
What is resistance? Resistance is not accepting things as they are, right now, and so wanting to fix and change “what is”, in order to gain a level of control, a level of certainty, so that I can feel at peace.
And so I fix and change my non-relationship into a relationship or I fix and change my relationship into no relationship. But the anxiety doesn't change. The resistance to “what is” is still there. No matter what happens to my relationship status, the anxiety is still there.
I fix and change my money situation, and so I have money and then I don’t, but the anxiety doesn't change. The resistance to “what is” is still there. No matter what happens to my money situation, the anxiety is still there.
My “fixing and changing” way of being is the only thing that stays constant alongside my anxiety. My external circumstances are changing, but my anxiety isn't.
So what if instead of "fixing and changing" I just surrendered to “what is”? Just allowed my current external circumstance to just be? Just think about that for a moment. What if you could just allow your external circumstances to just be how they are? Right now. Your relationship status. Your money situation. Nothing to fix and change. How does that feel for you?
For me, peace arises.
The peace that I was seeking through fixing and changing is there. Right in this very moment.
If I can allow my external circumstances to be just as they are, I could also allow my internal circumstances to be just as they are. So just allow my feelings of anxiety if and when they arise. Just allow them. Not trying to fix and change them. Feel them. Allow them. Surrender into them.
What arises? Peace.
In a world of fixing and changing, of driven action takers and being convinced that having more/better/bigger "stuff” brings us peace & happiness, surrendering and allowing seems kind of counterproductive doesn't it? What if I don’t like my outer circumstances? What if I can’t pay the bills? What if I want a family one day? I can’t just sit around accepting it all. I have to do something about it!
Let me ask you though, has “doing something” from this place of fixing & changing in order to feel better ever given you what you truly want? I know what you really truly want is that feeling of peace. I know that because that’s what I want too. That feeling that everything is well in my world.
Why not have that right now?
This doesn't mean you won’t take action. But you will no longer be taking action from an anxious place in order to get peace. You will be taking action from a peaceful place purely because you’d like to experience something different. Not because you need something different to make you feel at peace. You truly realise that your outer circumstances changing won't bring you peace and so you take action just because you’d like to experience something new! Or perhaps you take no action at all. Either way, you feel peace.
You already have what you want, peace. And no outer circumstance can take that away from you. Ironically you have found the control you’ve been wanting all along. Peace that arises from within. From your choice to allow, accept and surrender to “what is”. Your outer circumstances no longer control your feelings. Even feelings of anxiety that arise now become merely something to accept and surrender to. Another opportunity to access that deep peace within you.
A world of peaceful people creates a peaceful world. It starts with you. It starts with me. Are you ready to do your bit? I am, as I allow, accept and surrender to "what is" in my life right now.
We all need support on this journey as we begin to live into this surrendered space. It can be a challenge as you pave a new path. I have a coach who supports me and I’d love to support you!
Either join me on my Meditation Day Retreat this Sunday, come visit me in a Kundalini Yoga & Meditation Class or work more intimately with me and your specific resistances by booking a Private Coaching Session.
If you'd like to chat with me to see if we connect and so I can answer any questions you may have contact me for a FREE 15 minute session over the phone or Skype - firstname.lastname@example.org