Turns out that Buddha dude, the one that said the quote over here ➳, knew a thing or two but how has that got anything to do with the F word?
So I've been reading this book called "Spirit Junkie" by Gabrielle Bernstein (you can get it here or check out her other stuff here), but don't get side tracked now will ya ...
... anywho, this book speaks a lot about the F word "Forgiveness". (I know not what you were expecting huh?) Now, I don't know about you but for me, forgiveness hasn't played much of a leading role in my long melodrama of 31 years.
It kinda seems like one of those concepts created for those perfect, upstanding citizen type people that bestow forgiveness upon the nasty arsehole sinners of this world who do shitty things to perfect people. “I forgive you, you nasty idiot. Who could ever expect you to be as perfect as me?!”
Well that’s kind of the gist I was left with coming out of a Christian highschool, although come to think of it, we leave highschool with a lot of interesting interpretations of life skills don’t we?!
getting down with the F word
<< well maybe until I started to process my parents braking up and flipping my world upside down, my first boyfriend dumping me to get back with his ex girlfriend, my best guy friend falling in love with me which totally screwed our friendship, my best girlfriend stopped hanging out with me and started spending all her time with her boyfriend, my mum reading my private journal, giving up my horse because my dad couldn’t afford it anymore.
Ready for more??
Getting married and then divorced and the guy I dated following my divorce cheating on me, a bunch more girlfriends choosing their men over me, my parents never helping me out with money, my last ex borrowing money off me that I never saw again, there was loads of backstabbing in my ex-workplace and I got fired from that job, and my current partner well he leaves the bloody toilet seat up all of the time!!
Hehe I have to giggle because it sounds like I should be in a mental asylum looking at my life through that shit-filter, but please be assured amongst all of that I’ve formed some of the most soul nuturing relationships, I’ve grown in unimaginably amazing ways and had loads of awesomely rad times. Just in case you were worried about me xx
So still, until recently, I never connected the dots in how forgiveness could play a part in my healing and letting go of the past. Hells, its just stuff that happens to everyone right? That’s just life yeah? We’ve all had parents that have made mistakes, break ups, tiffs with our besties and money woes. Honestly don’t you just pick up your shit and move on?
Apparently not! You see if you just “pick up your shit and move on” without getting down with the F word you literally do pick up your shit and take it with you everywhere.
mish's bag of shits
My parents – I’ve shaped our relationship, the way we relate, based on the hurts of the past. I’ve kept them at arms length because its too painful to have them close to me and then potentially leave at some stage;
Men – ey yey yey! Lets just say that trust and fidelity has been some shit I’ve been dragging around. Also lack of full self expression as in I don’t want to show them the vulnerable bits and lack of self acceptance and self love has been sorely missed (man I could write a whole page on this, but lets leave that to another post);
Friendships with dudes – have tended to be at first tentative until I can see they definitely don’t want to get into my panties and then cautious and then somewhat confused when they don’t want to get into my panties haha! The double edged sword;
My girlfriends – whoa yeah a whole shit-bag of jealousy, possessiveness, projecting my insecurities onto their boyfriends, honestly you don’t want to be one of my girlfriends boyfriends if you aint going to treat her right, attachment to her commitment to me. Haha! (again giggling as the “ahar” moments drop);
What else to we have here in my bag of shits …
Money – eff yeah! I carry beliefs like I’m alone and a struggling victim that no one wants to help out although I cant ask for help because then I’m admitting I’ve failed in some way;
Workplace – I can often be on edge. Am I doing enough? Am I being enough? I can put in waaay above what I’m paid to do but then resent it all the same (I’m like a medieval warrior with this double edged sword);
So take that blog readers! How much of the F word do you reckon I need in my life?
So back to this book I’ve been reading, you know the one I mentioned about an hour ago at the start of this post hehe. So Gabby Bernstein threw some invaluable light on the topic of the F word that has really helped me in the process of kicking my shit bag to the curb.
so firstly what forgiveness isnt
But let me give you some of my own examples of what forgiveness isn’t (and these little blurbs come with a warning so if you’re sensitive to naughty words, please block your eyes);
“Oh mum and dad you did a balls-up job at being parents and thank god I turned out so perfectly, I forgive you for being absolute screw ups!”
or it isn’t;
“Oi you dickhead men in my life, I know you’ve only be born with half a brain cell, you are men after all, and thank holy moley I’m such a beautiful, goddess that doesn’t need you so I forgive you for being so damn blind and stupid!” (although that one felt good to write hehe)
or it isn’t;
“Hey there friend-dudes, I know I’m so goddam amazing that you cant keep your whoozits in your pants so I forgive you for being horny little buggers”
or it isn’t;
“Hellllo my beautiful bestie girlfriends, I know you’re so damn insecure all you think about is your boyfriends and you clearly don’t appreciate how effing fabulous I am as a girlfriend so I forgive you for choosing penis over my waaay-more-important friendship”
or it isn’t;
“Ey you eff head ex-boss, look I know you’re a coward and that’s why you lead by intimidation and you don’t have the capacity to be a totally inspirational, empowering leader like I am so I forgive you for being an all round pin-dick”
what forgiveness is
Its kinda funny because I can see how this bag-of-shit has impacted on the current outcomes in my relationships and life and the funniest thing is that I’m the one who made it all up and I’m the one who continues to carry the shit-bag around with me.
Like Buddah said (again an hour ago above);
“Holding onto anger is like grasping onto a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You are the one who gets burned.”
Or my version;
“Holding onto anger is like carrying a shit-bag around with the intent that someone else is going to smell. You are the one that people walk by and say pheeewww girl, you stink!”
So forgiveness is the opportunity of letting go of your shit-bag and putting it where it belongs, fertilizer for your vege patch! Feel free to draw your own little analogies from that.
So its not telling someone else “there, there, you’re a stupid so-and-so and I forgive you for it”, forgiveness is actually;
a) seeing that you are responsible for your perception of the circumstance;
b) accepting the not-so-perfect side in all people (you the forgiver and the forgivee);
c) having compassion and understanding that everyone has hurts and fears and sometimes makes the wrong choice by acting out of those hurts and fears.
Its your one way ticket to freedom baby!
Yes, when someone acts out of their hurts and fears very often it will have a negative impact on you. But forgiveness is about stepping outside the negativity and seeing the truth underneath the hurtful act so that you're not bound to carrying it forever.
The truth is that everyone has hurts and fears. Everyone is afraid of not being loved. But the double edged sword here (here comes the medieval warrior again) is that when we do things, say things or think things to protect ourselves because we fear not being loved it, and that includes holding onto something and not forgiving, it actually holds love away from us, which is exactly what we don’t want … go on read that again here;
When we do things, say things or think things to protect ourselves because we fear not being loved, and that includes holding onto something and not forgiving, it actually holds love away from us, which is exactly what we don’t want.
Forgiveness is the bridge between fear and love.
so how do i use the f word and kick my shit bag to the curb?
So sorry but I’ve got no hard and fast process for you to use the F word like do a) and then a little of b) and then c) will happen so then you’ve gotta get onto d). Nope, nope!
The way I’ve been playing around with the F word is through meditation. Yep, you guessed it, my trusty old friend!! So at night once I’ve turned the light out, I lay in bed for a little while and get centred. Getting centred is all about watching your breath, and if you’ve got no idea what I’m gabbling on about, hop on the mailing list here and you’ll get a link to download a guided meditation by me which will be a most excellent start for you.
So here I am laying in bed getting centred, and I just ask my higher self to show me a circumstance that I need to bring forgiveness to. And then I wait, and then little memories arise of shit-bag things and I ask for guidance to help me bring forgiveness to this circumstance. And then I’m shown ways to look at the circumstance differently, to open my heart with compassion for the people involved … INCLUDING ME … see how I put that in capital letters. You MUST also bring the F word to yourself if you want to let go of your shit bag peoples!!
And so my heart is open, I see the truth of the circumstance, I may cry a little, I also may vent a little about how it impacted me, I’ll just be with whatever comes up for me with the intention to see the truth and let go … and then, it may happen that night, it may take a few nights, but evenutally all is forgiven and love is restored.
I feel lighter, happier, and less smellier …
My relationships have also been lighter, happier and less smellier too!
Now my way is meditation at bed time, your way might be writing in a journal, it might be on your meditation pillow or it might be prayer (which is kind of meditation anyway). It could even be while you’re listening to great music or standing in the shower. Just try it wherever you feel you can have an open heart, a stable mind and a box of tissues xx
so hows about your bag of shits?
And if you have a friend who you know would receive a big old happy smile from releasing their bag-of-shits then please feel free to share the link with them.
Om Shanti (the hippie way of saying “peace y’all”),