Yep, I did, really, I had to. I had a bad run-in with my "lady problems" (sorry boys for the over share) and my body said "Whoa nelly, you're not getting up to email, write blogs, create meditations or even feed yourself. All I'm going to allow you to do this morning is get a hot water bottle and lay horizontal."
Now laying still doing nothing doesn't sit all that well with me. Hence why meditation is the perfect teacher for me. I get the serious guilts. The kind of guilt that starts to turn anxiety ridden (if I let it).
I've always got "stuff" to do. I rarely, if ever, actually, never ever do I have nothing to do. And this "stuff" tends to take priority over just lazing around hanging out in bed. I like doing the "stuff". I don't want to give up my "stuff" but when one morning of forced bed laying had me feel guilty, I'm thinking hmmmm maybe I've got a little imbalance going on? Maybe my "stuff" is doing me!
In these busy times of fast technology, everything at our finger tips, loads of books, blogs and emails to read. Instagram and Facebook to check and post on. People to meet and call and work with. Creative, strategic and fun marketing plans to devise. Websites to update. Podcasts, webinars and online courses to listen to. Not to mention food to buy, prepare and eat and houses to clean, clothes to wash, showers to be had and relationships to be nurtured.
Where does free-time fit in? And do you find if you do have a pocket of free time, which seems such a luxury these days, you don't necessarily fully enjoy it? Does the thought of just laying in bed make you a wee bit nervous, a tincy-wincy bit guilty?
If you do feel like me, guilty at the thought of free-time, maybe your "stuff" is doing you too! Don't let it get to a point where your "lady problems" or exhaustion or the flu have to force you to have a morning in bed. Give up the guilt and enjoy some free time.
Hit it with meditation. Now this isn't by using the closed-eyed, sit on a pillow kind of meditation. Although that's a great training ground. I often guide my clients through emotion observation meditations so they have more power riding the emotional stuff when it arises. When the emotional stuff does arise, I like to use an in-the-moment mindfulness approach.
So here's how: firstly schedule yourself some free time. Make it something that's really going to get that guilt going. For me that's laying in bed, unshowered, unmakeuped and unrecognisable until 11am (pushing 12 I think I'd run out of the bedroom screaming, so lets just leave it at 11am for now).
Your guilty free time might be sitting on the couch in your pjs eating chocolate for breakfast. It might be strolling along the beach, picking up pretty shells and beachy creatures and ignoring your watch. It could even be sitting down with a cup of tea, a magazine and leaving that dirty pile of dishes.
But if your guilty free time is laying in bed (like I was forced to), you're allowed to have a book. But no business topics, no self development, make it something trashy, something that's going to add absolutely nothing to your life other than a smile. No emails, no social media, pretend you're back in the 80s again.
The thoughts will come "I can't do this. I've got to get to my "stuff". Come on, people will stop liking your page on Facebook unless you post something! Go on, just post one quote on instagram. Sh*t I forgot to get the washing off the line and I can hear it's started raining!"
Take a deep breath, notice the thoughts, connect with the feeling of guilt and slight panic, feel it in your body, say "Hello there old friend Guilt, I know you're freaking out because you think I'm going to die if I don't get to my stuff this morning, but its aye okay. I'm staying in bed this morning and I'm going to get back to my trashy book now".
Let the guilt be there, feel it in your body, let the thoughts be there, notice them when they have something to say, but stay in bed, ride it out, realise that thoughts of "stuff" and feelings of guilt wont kill you, just stay in bed unshowered, unmakeuped and unrecognisable and watch what happens.
We love to sit with the "good" feelings don't we. That's easy! But sitting with the "bad" feelings is just as beneficial. Getting to know all of the colours of your rainbow-filled emotional landscape gives you more insight, more knowing and more understanding of YOU!
And the more you understand you the more choice you have to choose free time days (mornings or moments) or busy time days. YOU get to choose when to do your stuff. You are doing your stuff, your stuff's not doing you!
Am I alone here? Do you feel guilty having free-time? Have you ever just sat with your "bad" emotions? What happened when you did. Share, share, share with me by commenting below xx